


The One Ring

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [36]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 00:51:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14297184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: Anna invites Mikael for a visit to see Lumi but there's an ulterior motive behind her invitation: she wants to find out if Sebastian is hiding inside Mikael. During their otherwise cozy evening together Anna gets disappointed: there's no sign of Sebastian in him: Mikael is just Mikael, a lovely young priest, who is eager to baptize Lumi.Meeting Perttu after a month's separation makes Anna nervous. How will Perttu react when he sees his daughter and what will happen to them after that? Their sauna evening turns out to be full of surprises including a certain ring, which leaves Anna uncertain of what Perttu really wants. One thing is certain though: Perttu wants to taste Anna's milk and promises to stay the night for that.





	1. A welcome visitor

## A welcome visitor (1)

I got suddenly this strong urge to call Mikael and invite him for a visit. Yusuke was on a business trip in USA and Nina had her day off so I was alone at home with Lumi. My invitation wouldn’t come as a surprise to Mikael as I had asked him to come and see Lumi when he visited me the last time in May, before Lumi’s birth. Mikael was going to be our priest and he was Mikko’s companion, both good enough reasons to have him come by. A small voice in my head reminded me though that in addition Mikael might be Sebastian, my former guardian angel, whom I missed terribly much even if I tried not to.

       Mikael arrived punctually at two o’clock in the afternoon and parked his car on my front yard. I had just fed Lumi and I was trying to put her to sleep in a carriage on my porch. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Mikael step out of his car and walk over to me. How can anyone be that perfect! He had a bouquet of flowers and a gift bag with him.

“Congratulations to you and the baby”, Mikael said and handed me his presents accompanied by a dazzling smile.

      I just wanted to hug him so I shoved the flowers and the bag on Lumi’s carriage and dived into Mikael’s arms. “Thanks for the presents. It’s so nice to see you again!” I breathed expecting to feel his heat. It wasn’t there as much as I could tell. Mikael took a step back surprised by my attack, but then gave me a long and warm hug.

       I withdrew from him first as I didn’t want him to think that I was some kind of maniac. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have attacked you like that. I don’t know what went into me”, I mumbled my cheeks red.

“No harm done”, Mikael grinned and fixed his eyes at my daughter who was waving her little fists in the carriage demanding attention. “Can I take her into my arms? She seems to be wide awake.”

“Go ahead! Just mind her head.”

“I’m used to handling babies”, Mikael reminded me. Baptizing babies was probably one of his nicest duties.

“Aren’t you beautiful”, Mikael mumbled stroking Lumi’s cheek with his finger. Lumi tried to focus her eyes on the stranger holding her and then suddenly grabbed his finger in her tiny hand. I don’t know what happened but her eyes started to droop and she fell asleep holding Mikael’s finger. “I must be a boring person because you fall asleep the minute you see me?” Mikael joked trying to release his finger from Lumi’s grip.

“You should come here more often if she falls so easily asleep when you’re around”, I snickered and helped Mikael to put Lumi back into her carriage. She would probably sleep now for some time and we could go in and make some coffee.

      “So, how are things now after three weeks of motherhood?” Mikael asked when we were sitting at the coffee table nibbling pieces of an orange cake I had baked during the weekend. The bouquet of flowers he had brought was decorating the table and the beautiful peach-colored woolen jacket and stockings were lying beside it waiting for their owner to wake up.

“Not very easy, but I’m grateful that I have Nina to help me. The three hour feeding program would have been impossible without her. I’m not producing enough milk but luckily there are good infant formulas. I’m happy because Lumi has been healthy and has gained weight normally. The summer is ahead and we can spend more time out in the garden...”

Mikael interrupted my babble. “Sorry but I think I heard Lumi crying.”

I listened too but I couldn’t hear anything. Then it occurred to me that noises might have come from Muru, our kitten, who had woken from his nap. “Just a sec and I will show you something”, I said and hurried to my study where Muru was sleeping most of the time.

“Here we are…Mikael, meet Muru”, I introduced the black kitten to my guest. ”Would you like to hold him?” I asked as I couldn’t be sure he liked pets.

“Of course”, Mikael smiled and held out his hands.

I tried to hand Muru to him but the cat wriggled out of my grip and jumped on to Mikael’s sleeve and climbed up to his shoulder. When the kitten was where it wanted to be it started purring and brushed itself against Mikael’s hair and cheek.

“I think he likes you,” I mused.

“Obviously”, Mikael replied petting the friendly kitten that was trying to play with his black curls.

“Okay, maybe we should find you some food so that you don’t have to eat alive my guests”, I grinned and picked up the kitten from Mikael’s shoulder.

       Mikael stood up too when I went to the kitchen to offer Muru some food. “Has Perttu seen Lumi yet?” he asked standing at the doorway.

“No, not yet but he will be back next Sunday from their USA tour. I think he had some plans to come home when Mikko got injured but he had to cancel those when they found a replacement for him.”

“Yeah, Mikko’s back was pretty messed up for almost two weeks”, Mikael told me. “By the way, we finally got to talk about our future. I think the injury made him reconsider his priorities. Besides, he’s not going to be touring with this intensity for very long.”

“This summer will be a bit easier, some summer festivals in Europe and Finland and that’s it. You will have lots of time to spend together”, I encouraged Mikael.

        When I was done with Muru, I went to peek out of the door to see how Lumi was doing. “I think Lumi want’s our attention”, I called to Mikael. Her carriage was swaying slightly so she must have woken up even though she didn’t cry. I picked Lumi up and carried her inside. “I think she needs a change”, I grinned sniffing at my daughter.

“Can I do it?” Mikael asked reaching out his hands.

“Yeah, sure. Everything you need is in my study”, I promised. As I wasn’t working or studying now, I had started to use my desk to change and dress up Lumi and my laptop occupied the dinner table instead.

       I must admit that Mikael was skilled in handling babies and Lumi seemed to be very happy with her new friend. In no time she had clean diapers and was dressed again in a bodysuit, pants and a hoodie.

 “You’re a natural talent with kids”, I complimented Mikael and gave a friendly tap at his back.

“I don’t know about that but I like practicing…Can I ask you something?” Mikael suddenly changed the subject. “You said Nina has her day off. How can you manage the night alone?”

Well… I don’t know… Somehow, I guess… Waking up every three hours sucks.”

“I have a day off tomorrow so I could come in the evening and help you with the feeding. I have a short meeting this afternoon but after that I’m free.”

“Oh, that’s very kind of you, but I don’t want you to ruin your night because of me.”

“I have a sermon to write so I can take the two night feeds. You can sleep till early morning that way. The sermons come to me best at nights…”

“Okay, in that case I would be glad to accept your offer. At what time will you be back? I can prepare us some dinner”, I asked by heart beating irregularly. I had never even dreamed of having Mikael near me so long. 

 “I should be back about half past six. A dinner would be nice but please don’t overdo it.”

“No, I won’t. Would you like have some pasta with basil?”

“Pasta is fine. I will have to be off now but we will see later on” Mikael said handing Lumi back to me slightly reluctantly. “She’s so lovely!”


	2. The sermon

## The sermon (2)

I had pasta cooking and bacon and broccolini frying in the oven when Mikael returned from his errands. “Hi Mikael! How was your meeting?” I called from kitchen when he was taking off his shoes and overcoat at the hallway.

“I was planning a baptizing ceremony together with a young couple who have twins. There are slightly more details to plan when you have two babies baptized at the same time. But yes, everything should be now in order”, Mikael replied when he entered the kitchen. “Smells delicious… Is there something I can do?”

“You can lay the table if you like. The plates and glasses are in those cabinets”, I replied and nodded towards the cabinets on my left.

“Now that you mentioned it, Lumi needs baptizing quite soon. We should agree on her middle name before that. I will have to take the matter up with Perttu when he’s back.”

“I would be glad to baptize Lumi, if you haven’t planned anything else”, Mikael offered blushing a little.

“No, we haven’t planned anything. I’ve had too many things on my mind lately… Anyway, I’m sure Perttu would like you to do it.”

      As I had promised, our meal was just simple pasta with cheese sauce, roasted bacon and broccolini and huge pile of fresh basil on top.  I offered Mikael a glass of red wine with the meal but settled myself with mineral water as I was planning to breast feed Lumi quite soon.

“Hmm, that was delicious”, Mikael thanked me and tapped his belly looking satisfied. “Maybe I should write something about the importance of food and wine in human relationships in my sermon.”

“At least that is better than threatening with fire and brimstone”, I grinned and stood up from the table. “You can go and relax on the sofa while I fill in the dishwasher.”

      When I came back to the living room a while later, I encountered a bit surprising but lovely scene there: Mikael was lying on the sofa and the TV was on. Lumi was sleeping on his chest clutching to him like a small ape. Mikael's palm was resting on the baby keeping her safe. Mikael had probably fallen asleep too as he didn’t stir when I came close. I sneaked back to pick up my cell phone and snapped some photos of the sleeping beauties. I couldn’t resist stroking Mikael’s cheek with my fingers but when I did that, he opened his eyes and smiled at me. “I wasn’t sleeping, just resting my eyes.”

“Please, just continue whatever you were doing. I will feed Lumi when she wakes up.” I said and sat down in an armchair to watch the evening news.

      Lumi stirred awake in the middle of the news broadcast. Mikael handed her to me and I started to breast feed her in the armchair. I had a long pinafore dress with detachable straps and T-shirt under it so it was easy to expose my breast for Lumi to feed. I noticed that Mikael had difficulties to keep his eyes off me and the baby. “Can I take a picture of you two? That scene is so beautiful”, he finally asked.

“Sure, it will be a nice memory later on. I’m so lousy milk producer that probably this won’t happen very often. I wonder how some women are able to produce enough to donate milk to others.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll do fine with infant formula too.  I’m sorry but I should start to work with my sermon. It’s always difficult to get started.” Mikael said after he had taken some photos of me and Lumi.

“Yeah, I can imagine that. Writer’s block is a nasty thing. You can work in the study. Just move Lumi’s things aside or on the bed.”

With that Mikael headed into my study with a laptop and a heavy briefcase and closed the door behind him.

      I turned down the sound level of the television not to disturb Mikael’s work and started to watch a film. After changing diapers to Lumi I left her sleeping in the maternity box that was large enough to accommodate her. I had sewn a pretty cover for it, one which had pink roses and a frill at the hem. I peeked into the study to let Mikael know that I would retire now.

      For an hour I tried to fall asleep but I just couldn’t do it. I kept seeing on repeat Mikael’s hands holding mine and Patrik making love to me the last time before Sebastian left him and me. I sat up on the bed feeling frustrated and angry. Maybe I should confront Mikael about this angel thing. After a while I stood up and headed downstairs.

      The living room was dark except for the light coming from the open door of my study. Lumi was sleeping peacefully in her box. I stopped at the door expecting to see Mikael writing at his computer but instead I saw him resting his face in his hands as if he was in pain. “Excuse me... Is everything okay?” I asked quietly not to startle him.

“Ah, I just have a bad headache”, Mikael replied and rubbed his neck. “All this sitting at computers is not good for me.”

“I can give you a painkiller and a neck massage if you like. I’m pretty good at massages. Perttu has the same problem and I’ve managed to help him.”

“If you think it helps, go ahead.”

      I made Mikael swallow a painkiller, take off his shirt and sit down on a low stool I had in the living room. After that I gave him a thorough massage on his neck and upper back. This time touching him didn’t feel special or different in any way; no heat, no energy, nothing. I felt disappointed because that meant no Sebastian. Had I scared him away with my straight question?

“Okay, I think we’re done now. Lumi will probably wake up close to midnight. Let me know if you have problems with feeding her. The formula is in the fridge, just heat it up carefully to lukewarm. Goodnight, Mikael.”

“Good night Anna and thanks for the massage. The pain is mostly gone. I think I can continue writing now.”

      After realizing that Mikael was just Mikael I had no difficulties in falling asleep. I slept like a log until my phone woke me up at half past six in the morning. Downstairs I found Mikael sleeping on the study bed and Lumi in her box. Muru had curled up under Mikael’s arm looking happy and contended. I picked Muru up and closed the door to let Mikael sleep as long as he wanted. I just hoped his sermon had turned out fine.


	3. The One Ring

## The One Ring (3)

I must admit that meeting Perttu after a month’s separation made me nervous. When he left, there were just two of us, now he was a father and I was a mother and we were supposed to be a family but we weren’t. How would we continue from here?

      Perttu called me right after he had landed at Helsinki-Vantaa airport and we agreed to meet at my place on Monday afternoon and have sauna as in the good old days. The thought of good old days made me smile. I had met Perttu only about ten months ago and lived in this house for six months during which time we had sauna maybe six times. I can’t deny that those times were wonderful; good food and sex made me forget the nagging fear that I wasn’t enough for Perttu. Having sauna with him still meant some kind of safe haven for me although my fear of being abandoned had already come true.

      I assumed that Perttu had had a passionate reunion with Johanna on Sunday night. Therefore I didn’t expect him to show much interest in me personally. He probably just wanted to see his daughter. Anyways I didn’t want to look old and sloppy so I put on some makeup and dressed myself and Lumi nicely. The clothes Franky had brought were still slightly too large for Lumi but luckily one of the pretty dresses fitted fine. As the weather happened to be sunny and warm I went out into the garden with Lumi to calm down my nerves before Perttu’s arrival.

      I was at the lower garden when Perttu drove by and waved his hand at me. I stayed where I was and waited for him to park his car on the front yard. He was out of his car in a second and almost ran down the path to meet us. My heartbeat doubled when he reached me and I saw his beautiful face again. Here was the man I had wanted more than anything, the father of my child and a man whom I could never have due to some cruel whim of fortune. The pain almost suffocated me. I couldn’t say a word, when Perttu grabbed me into his tight embrace. “Oh jeez, you don’t know how much I’ve missed you and Lumi!” he whispered into my ear and stroke my hair. I still couldn’t get a word out of my mouth. I just held him and started to cry. “I’m so sorry!  I know I should have been here for you but I wasn’t… ”, Perttu continued sounding desperate.

       Finally I got my senses back. “Please stop blaming yourself. I’m not crying because I’m disappointed in you but because I realized how much I missed you. Lumi hasn’t heard her father’s voice in a long time… Would you now like to see your daughter in person?” I asked and nodded towards the carriage.

“More than anything…”

I picked up Lumi from the carriage, straightened her dress and handed her to Perttu. Lumi was very much awake and the first thing she did was to grab a strand of Perttu’s hair that happened to come too close.

“Hello Lumi, remember me? I’m your daddy Perttu”, Perttu said sounding a bit confused. I knew how weird it was to talk to someone you have known for some time, felt her movements but never actually seen in person.

Lumi probably recognized his voice because she kicked couple of times as if she was in my belly. Perttu gazed her face in awe for a while. “The photos didn’t do justice to her… but I don’t know about the nose.”

“It’s more yours than mine. Mine is bony and Lumi’s nose is very small and rounded like yours”, I smiled and reached out my hand to trace Perttu’s nose with my finger. Touching him sent hot shivers of pleasure through my body. I knew I shouldn’t feel that way but I couldn’t help it.

“Should we go inside? I have something in my car for both you and Lumi”, Perttu proposed.

      We walked up to the front yard where Perttu handed Lumi back to me and went to pick up his presents from the car. In the house we sat on the couch to open the presents; one big package, one flat one that looked like a CD and one very small one. “Is there a particular order I should open these?” I asked excited as always when you get something from a person you love.

“Why don’t you start from the biggest one”, Perttu proposed. I guessed it wasn’t a teddy since he had already given me Sebastian the bear when he returned from Paris.  The package contained a chubby, grumpy looking orange cat that definitely was Garfield. It was about the size of our daughter so she would have a nice time cuddling this artificial cat. Our kitten Muru was too small to let Lumi cuddle him.

“I think this is music, or am I wrong?” I asked turning the CD box in my hand.

“I composed some lullabies and stuff for Lumi and played it with my cello in a studio at Winnipeg. We will probably use some of that material for our next album so please keep it out of publicity. “

“Thank you very much! This is a lovely present! I will keep it safe”, I promised.

“And what is this?” I asked fumbling the smallest package in my hands. To be honest I was afraid to open this kind of presents as they most likely could make you very happy or very disappointed.

“It’s something I bought already some time ago but couldn’t make myself give it to you. I decided to have it modified so that you could wear it somehow.”

      My heart almost stopped when I saw what was in the box. It was a ring hung in a golden chain like the One Ring. This one wasn’t plain but had an intricate ornament running in the middle of the ring surface. The inner surface of the ring had our names like in an engagement ring but the date was Lumi’s birthday 20.5.2015.

“Was this originally my engagement ring?” I asked tears flooding my eyes.

“I’m afraid it was”, Perttu replied looking embarrassed. “When you got engaged with Yusuke, I thought I would get it scrapped but I didn’t have the heart to do it. Then I came up with the idea that you could wear the ring as necklace. Maybe that was a bad idea. I don’t want it to be a burden for you.”

“Should I now toss it into the fire of Mount Doom?” I asked smiling through my tears.

“We can do it together if and when we find it somewhere”, Perttu replied and grabbed my hands into his, “I wish things had gone otherwise.”

“I honestly think that you’re better off with Johanna and I can’t abandon Yusuke now. It would kill him.”

“I know that. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. But one can always hope…”

“Never say never…” I mumbled trying to hide my confusion. What was Perttu trying to tell me? Was he saying that he wanted us to be together after his engagement and mine? The hope was too dangerous for me so I pushed it aside, at least for a while.

“But now I think we should go and check out our sauna. It should be ready around this time”, I said and stood up to put Lumi to sleep in her box. “By the way, would you like to bathe her?”

“I can give it a try, if you let me.”

“Of course you can bathe your own daughter. She enjoys it very much… ”, I replied and hugged Perttu thankful that he was willing to try. It must be scary to face all these responsibilities for the first time.

      Before going to sauna I climbed upstairs to Nina’s room to let her know that I would have sauna with Perttu and asked her to look after Lumi during that time. I told her that we would bathe Lumi together after the sauna. Nina looked a bit surprised but promised to come downstairs to watch over Lumi.  Maybe she thought that our relationship would be more formal now that we both were engaged to be married. She didn’t know us…


	4. One can always hope

## One can always hope (4)

“This is the one thing I always miss when I’m away from Finland”, Perttu sighed when we were sitting together in the dim light of sauna and listening to the gentle sizzle of water on the stove. “Our sauna at the farm is not in a particularly good condition. It will be one of the first places to renovate.”

“Have you already made plans to renovate the main house”, I asked fighting against the anxiety that always overwhelmed me when we talked about THEIR house. I tried to force myself to talk about it casually but I probably wasn’t very convincing as Perttu gave me a wary look before saying anything.

“No, but we hope to make the plans during this summer while I’m mostly at home. The renovation should be ready by May next year. We are planning to have our wedding reception there in June”, Perttu replied watching my reaction.

      There it was again, the pain I couldn’t handle. “I think I will go and take a shower to cool down”, I said trying to hold back my tears and hurried out of the sauna. Under the shower he couldn’t see my stupid tears.

      I was just washing my hair when Perttu came out and joined me under the gushing water. He folded his arms around my body and kissed the side of my neck. “You promised you would let me taste your milk. Can I do it tonight?” he mumbled against my skin. He cupped his hands around my heavy breasts now filled with milk and rubbed the nipples gently.

“Yes, if you stay the night”, I breathed very conscious about the ring I was wearing in my finger. But what the heck, I wanted this night and Perttu wanted it so why not.

“They are very skilled in hiding the scars nowadays”, Perttu remarked sliding his hands down to my pubic hair that had already grown quite long and conveniently hid most of the scar made during the caesarean section.

“Yeah, no problems to wear bikinis”, I gasped and spread my things slightly to let his fingers slide over my clitoris and dive inside me. “Please, don’t make me wait until the night”, I begged and pushed my butt against him. Perttu was more than ready to fulfil my wish and soon his thing found its way inside my wet depths.

      During our separation I had somehow accepted the possibility that Perttu would never again want to make love to me. I was prepared to endure the pain of being denied the physical contact that had been the key element in our relationship. Now all of a sudden he was fucking me on his own initiative and I just couldn’t believe it. The thought of having Perttu, the father of my child, like this once more was almost too much for me. With every push my body responded with a pulse that was like a small orgasm. I thought I would lose my conscience before I finally reached the mother of all orgasms.

      Nina gave me a knowing look when I returned to the living room to pick up Lumi for bathing. I had no idea what kind I noises I had made during our lovemaking.  Probably she would hear more of those during our coming night. When I was back at sauna it occurred to me that her loyalty might lie with Johanna rather than with me. I sure hoped she wouldn’t blabber about us to Johanna.

      Perttu had prepared a bath for Lumi in a small plastic tub according to my instructions while I went to pick up our daughter. He lowered Lumi carefully into the lukewarm water and watched her reactions with keen eye. To me Perttu bathing his first born was a staggering sight, a sight I had never expected to see. Lumi’s reactions were worth seeing too. She first wrinkled her forehead and her body went stiff. When she was convinced that taking a bath was actually nice and safe she started kicking and waving her hands splashing the water all around us. She was like a little frog in her element. I retreated to a safe distance and snapped some photos of Lumi bathing in her father’s arms.

“She seems to like swimming unlike her mother”, Perttu grinned reminding me of my water phobia. I felt uncomfortable in all kinds of boats and ships and I was a lousy swimmer.

“You should teach her to swim later on. I’m not up to it“, I admitted knowing that Perttu wanted very much to be a part of Lumi’s everyday life.

“By the way, did you tell Johanna that you might stay the night here?” I asked still worried about Nina’s reaction.

“Yes, I did. Why do you ask?”

“Well, it just occurred to me that Nina might tell her about … the details”, I said blushing slightly.

“Did she sign the confidentiality agreement with you? She should know what she can talk about”, Perttu reminded me.

“Now that you say it, she did. Maybe I should remind her about it now that you’re back.” The secrecy agreement was done mostly because Perttu was a public person and we didn’t want anyone to spread details of his private life into the publicity.

“This young lady has probably had enough of bathing”, Perttu remarked when Lumi’s eyelids started to droop. We dried her and folded her into a fluffy towel with funny cat hood in one corner.

“Can you dress her for the night while I make us some dinner?” I asked when we were back in the living room. “Diapers, bodysuits and rompers and in the baskets on my desk.”

“Yeah, sure… I think I’m getting the hang of it”, Perttu enthused and headed towards my study.

      At some point of time I had my doubts about Perttu’s willingness to take the responsibility of a baby but now he was proving me otherwise. He was eager to learn and willing to do his part.

“Is this outfit okay for the night?” he asked carrying sleepy Lumi in his arms.

“That’s fine. Just put her in the box to sleep”, I instructed Perttu while I was frying the vegetables for our tortillas.

      Lumi fell asleep almost immediately so we could sit at the dinner table without disturbances and enjoy our meal. “How does it feel to be the father of a 26 days old baby?” I asked to hear Perttu’s first impressions of the long awaited fatherhood.

“It’s hard to describe… It’s scary and lovely at the same time and full of hopes. Lumi has brought a new meaning into my life. I never thought it would be like this… “, Perttu pondered searching for the right words.

“You will make a great father… Unfortunately Lumi is all I can give to you… If you want a little sister or brother to her you’ll have to take care of that with Johanna.” I said although the bitter words almost stuck to my throat.

“Miracles have happened before so why couldn’t one happen to you?” Perttu tried to comfort me but I could hear the sadness in his voice.

“I don’t believe in miracles”, I replied suddenly remembering Sebastian. I didn’t believe in angels either and yet I had known one, intimately. “But one can always hope”, I added borrowing Perttu’s words. I was already feeling better. Maybe there was a way…


End file.
